The Rendering Times: The Soap Box Vol 1 Iss 2

The eXplorer Files:
I've heard so much about 'The X-Files' from my friends that I finally broke down and watched an episode. With luck I snagged the pilot show from the local video shop -- why not find out where all this began? In summary, the episode (as best I can remember) goes along these lines. Bear with me for a quick review.

Skully and Mulder, two FBI agents, race off to find the cause of the sudden deaths in the woods near a small town. The victims all have a couple of red bumps on their backs. Could it be the result of alien activity?

They find a catatonic boy in an institution and a girl who reads to him. Soon the girl freaks out and dies -- she also has red bumps on her back. That night the detectives look for clues in the woods, where rest of the bodies have been found.

Later, 9 minutes of time diappear in a flash of light. (Making a long story short-er) The lab where Skully worked is burned. Once again, off into the dark woods, this time to find that catatonic boy running around -- with a girl in his arms -- not to the prom, but off to the 'aliens' for examination. Anyway, they both return alive. The show concludes with this same guy under hypnosis telling about alien experiments and how he was powerless to refuse the suggestions the aliens pressed upon him.

WE'RE NOT ALONE!!!

When I was nearly over the wariness induced by such a surreal story I ventured back to my office. Thank God -- my computer is still intact, or is it? I suddenly remember all my upgrade experiences -- DOS, Windows, 95, NT -- maybe some diabolical force had been bending my will for years and I hadn't even noticed.

Frantically, I search for a clue. What kind of computer did Detective Skully use again? Where did I put that 'X-files' video? Suddenly I can no longer deny it, the correlation are just too great to ignore!!!!

Have I been abducted by some malignant force? What perverse tests have I been subjected to? Are those mosquito bites on my back or probe points. "MOMMY!!!," Now, now, calm down David, it will be alright. Just review the experiences... I count them off on my fingers trying to remember.

1) Unexplained time lapses?	YES, on more than one occasion I've been working and it seems time unaccountably passed, like a flash of light.
2) Unexplained fires?	YES, all my data has gone up in smoke for no reason. Just booting up seems to be the kiss of death.
3) Unexplained paralysis?	YES, haven't we all been held in a stupor, unable to think, talk, act or believe as our computers seem to become possessed and race off on some demented deed.
4) Unexplained activity?	YES, Unknowingly I've offered my friends up for examination. More frightening than a long distance phone company recruiting from a competitor, I've passed on my compulsion. Encoding, recording, and infecting others -- it is as if that CD must be inserted in every computer it gets near.

OH NO, WHAT CAN WE DO?!?

Perhaps that alien entity is attempting to suck the brains out of the entire world ! The new 95/NT 'eXplorer Shell' -- oh, it seems so easy, but try removing one of it's implanted icons some time.

The "Internet eXplorer" must have been planned by an evil intelligence with a sinister will of it's own, almost like a genetically crafted virus. Innocently, I executed the installation routine. At the innocuous, "where do you want to install this program?" dialog box I specify "Drive H" and the subdirectory. Having led me into a false sense of security, it deposits an ever growing invading bulk onto my 'C Drive.' Even the latest rendition of this parasitic program, displays it's evil pseudo-intelligence by attempting to destroy all previous installations of it's competitors.

Things like this shouldn't happen to me. I'm a decent single young man. One Program Manager or Workplace Shell I can deal with. I love 'command lines' where I alone am in charge and can somewhat control the chain of command. But there's a certain reticence at being forced into marriage with an alien piece of software at gun point. I don't want to lose half my holdings, real estate, and future children to a unknown entity that has wrapped it's tentacles throughout the inner workings of my computer. It's almost as bad as my sister's eX-husband!

I just want to live a happy, peaceful, normal life.

Thank God it was only a TV show... hey... did you hear that? I'll be right back to finish this article in a minute, I've got to see what's making noise down the... AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

The Rendering Times: Design and Copyright © 1997 -- DCS & WorkForce Graphics. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without the express written permission of DCS and/or WorkForce Graphics is prohibited.